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We all know what’s good for us: exercising, eating right, drinking water, and getting enough sleep. But we often forget emotional well-being is what makes it possible for us to reach our goals in the first place.
Start small. Take a moment to identify one positive event each day. Record this in a journal or share it on social media to amplify the good vibes. Acknowledge a personal strength and reflect on how you used it today or in recent weeks. Set time aside to do this at the end of the day, every day.
Trick yourself into doing what’s good for you. Katy Milkman, professor at the Wharton School of Business, calls it "temptation bundling.” If you hate working out but love Harry Potter, then listen to Harry Potter when you work out, and only then. The same applies to all your guilty pleasures: your favourite binge-worthy TV show, listening to a new album you’re obsessing over, or catching up on the latest true crime podcast.
Accept failure as part of the journey towards success (as cheesy as that sounds, it’s also true). Anticipate that at some point you’ll lose motivation and get derailed. Instead of giving up altogether, just keep going. Avoid spiraling into self-blame. Instead, remind yourself that following through on goals isn’t easy. It takes a long time and a lot of energy to change mindsets and behaviors.
On the surface, confidence sounds more alluring, doesn’t it? It suggests a sense of control. But research suggests there’s a better way to approach personal growth and development. Self-compassion.
“Fake it ‘til you make it” can only take you so far. In the short term, it can help you feel better about yourself, but in the long term it can lead you to overestimate your abilities and result in a greater sense of failure or disappointment when it turns out you don’t measure up.
Simply put, self-compassion is defined as treating yourself with the same level of kindness, care, and concern you would show a loved one. It’s not wishy-washy stuff. The findings of a recent study showed that war veterans who practice more "self-compassionate self-talk" experience less severe PTSD symptoms.
Practicing self-compassion offers a delicious buffet of other perks. You’ll come to accept that you’re human and humans make mistakes. On the other hand, you’ll be more committed to not repeating your mistakes. Others will come to see you as empathetic. You’ll also attract people around you to let their guard down.
It’s true that pulling your shoulders back and making eye contact elevates your confidence. But that’s the easy stuff. Learning to love and be kind to yourself is a lot harder. Notice that voice in your head. Make friends with it. An inner cheerleader is much nicer to live with than an inner critic.
This can come in many different forms. For some of us, it’s being outdoors in nature. It can come in the form of physical activity, or from the stillness of meditating. For others, it’s being part of a faith community. It’s whatever helps you tune into your intuition, your gut feeling, or an expansive sense of love. It’s that feeling of connectedness, belonging, and being humbled by something far bigger than you.
Connect to something you can’t buy in a shop. If you’re unsure of what this could be for you, explore. Whatever it is, it should lift you up and provide you with comfort, power and, most of all, perspective.